Getting clean and sober and living a Christian life can feel overwhelming at times. So, I want to take some of the mystery out of addiction-recovery and spiritual formation and offer some encouragement to those struggling in their journey.

I was raised in the church and heard repeatedly that we are weak, needy people, . . . helpless. Totally dependent on our Creator. Any progress we have or will ever make is due solely to God’s grace. Salvation from beginning to end is his work. Jesus himself said that without him we can do and are nothing (John 15:5).

An extreme and unhealthy version of this truth, however, morphed into my heart. My thinking became, “God helps those who can’t help themselves.” Only those who freely acknowledge their inability (for me, disability) are helpable. Rugged individualism is, after all, the great American heresy. I was not going to be seduced by this “pull-yourselves-up-by-the-bootstraps” religion. The problem was that I confused humility with helplessness. This mindset proved detrimental and turned into a personal “morale” complex of sorts. If it was all up to God, then I am completely at his mercy. Unless he acts upon me and overrides my will, I can never make the grade. This made me feel utterly powerless and translated into a long, on-and-off struggle with anger. The frustration I had with myself (and God) for my repeated mishaps as a husband, father, and all my other roles spilled over onto others. St. Paul’s confession became a regular lament: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. . . What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” (Romans 7:15, 24) Divine help was my only hope. So, I cried out to God again and again, “humbling” myself before him, waiting patiently for his rescue.

Looking back, my grave error was undervaluing my part in the redemptive process. I lacked a theology of spiritual growth. I was looking for a miracle when what I really needed was a better plan. What I thought was strictly a bondage of will was also an ignorance to the pathway God designed for our healing. It took multiple trials and afflictions to remind me of this fact.

Maybe I could contribute something to my healing. Rather than waiting, maybe I needed to work.

I have periodic issues with my right knee. Old injuries were recently aggravated from a trip in which I did an excessive amount of walking on uneven terrain (160 miles over three weeks). I experienced some mild swelling and stiffness (along with some eerie creaking noises!) in the aftermath. Now I do not like confinement to a chair. I have always been active (borderline hyper). Further, I want to be able to continue to play and interact freely with my granddaughters and sons for as long as possible. Nor do I want to cut my ministry years needlessly short. Most importantly, I want to be able to serve, provide, and protect my wife until her dying day if I have anything to say about it.

So, with the help of fitness experts, I have been developing a plan and putting it into play. In order to increase knee strength and mobility, I have incorporated leg squats, calf and tibialis raises, walking backwards, one leg balance exercises, light jumping on a rebounder trampoline, intensified stretching, and stricter monitoring of my weight into my normal workouts. (Did you know that each pound of extra weight equals a four-pound increase in knee load for every step you take? That means that if you take ten thousand steps a day, ten extra pounds of body weight translates into 400,000 pounds or 200 tons of added pressure to your knees. Ouch!)

Guess what? These added routines are working like magic! I am experiencing a “miracle!” I am still able to play softball (and pickleball!) competitively. I can sit crossed-legged on the floor with my granddaughters. I am still able to take long walks with my wife. Bipedal locomotion—something I took for granted in my younger years—is now something I work at by meticulous observance to a carefully constructed health regimen.

Most miracles are a joint operation between us and God. Instead of merely praying for a supernatural touch from above, we may need to seek more wisdom and then walk in that way. I realize things are seldom as simple as my specific knee problem. I do not have medical conditions preventing me from engaging in various knee exercises. Situations are generally more complicated. But we cannot expect good outcomes when it is in our power to participate in the healing and growth process. One of the most important principles in the universe is the Law of Returns. We reap what we sow. St. Paul put it like this, “The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life” (Galatians 6:8). This law is true in every facet of life—physically, financially, relationally, vocationally, etc. I can pray for a miracle all day long, but if I am not investing in my marriage, for instance, I should not be surprised when things go south no matter how long I have waited upon God.

Many times, our problem is not for want of trying hard enough but for lack of training better.

We can make many miracles ourselves if we will simply take the necessary steps toward our goals. That is why we have practices (e.g., physical, financial, spiritual, etc.) to enable us to accomplish what we cannot do by direct effort. The late spiritual formation thinker Dallas Willard gives a common example. Sleep and rest may enable us to do what we could not do by direct effort, including staying in good emotional and physical health, and possibly being loving and sensitive to our family and co-workers. Such elementary disciplines aid our natural and spiritual lives. We change what we can control (sleep and rest regimens) to change what we cannot control directly (our temper and patience level).

One of the many things I appreciate about the Twelve Step tradition is its emphasis on taking little steps of action. The underlying assumption is that behaviors (i.e., steps)—before ideas, principles, and beliefs—activate recovery. As you and I engage in certain activities (e.g., admitting to God, ourselves, and others our wrongs, making amends, carrying the message to others, etc.) we open our lives to additional grace. We do not think our way into recovery or Christlikeness; we behave our way into health and holiness.

Practicing these various life-giving disciplines is not about self-saving but surrendering—submitting ourselves to God and the program he has established for our and others’ well-being. Our job is not to change ourselves but to make ourselves available to God’s transforming grace through spiritual exercises and rhythms. Dallas Willard was fond of saying, “Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning.” By yielding ourselves to God’s rule and order, we position ourselves for more of his presence. This is what discipleship is—learning to walk in the rhythms and routines of Jesus, . . . his way (early Christians were identified as followers of the Way).

There are no quick, easy fixes. Recovery and spiritual formation are slow (life-long), hard (painful), and monotonous (nothing sexy about it!) work. My knee rehab has taken longer and required more effort than I anticipated. There are some days I do not want to go through my regimens. I am tired. I want to relax. But new habits are slowly being formed and integrated into my life, and it is getting easier. What was once something I had to mentally psyche myself into doing is becoming increasingly second nature. Moreover, the gains (though imperceptible in the shorter spans of time) I am experiencing in knee and leg strength and movement motivate me to stick with the plan. It is working, and I like it!

Perhaps the issue for you is pornography. Maybe fasting a meal or two each week along with confession to a Christian community would be of help. Getting a greater measure of self-control physically along with walking in the light can lead to increased resistance power against looking at naked bodies. Maybe the problem is anger. Perhaps some daily silence and solitude would help. Throw in a weekly Sabbath, and you just might not be so reactive. The point is, we have to find the right spiritual exercises (e.g., Scripture, community, serving, singing, giving, praying, witnessing, etc.) to fit our specific needs for the period in which we find ourselves.

The cumulative effect of these repeated exercises is change. Over time, these new habits index our hearts and minds in a particular direction. So, put together a scalable plan with the aid of those more advanced and get to work. But be patient. You will have setbacks and relapses. That is par for the course, but you have to take the long view. In due time, you will reap the benefits of your regimens if you let God do his slow work through these various disciplines. Recovery and living a godly life are attainable. You are not completely helpless. As Christian philosopher James K.A. Smith notes, “Micro-rituals have macro significance.” Or as author John Mark Comer observes, consistent engagement in spiritual practices “add up over time, like compound interest.” Little, consistent investments pay big dividends down the road.

You have the power to change your life. Maybe it is not so much more faith that you need but more wisdom. A good plan and execution. It all starts one step at a time. Practice may not make perfect, but it does make possible (provided you engage the right practices).

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“Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,
for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”
(Philippians 2:12-13)