I have heard many great sermons over my life, but there is one that stands head and shoulders above them all. It was preached by a man unknown to the world except for a small group of people in the humble town in which he lived, and it was the only sermon he ever preached. 

The man’s name was Herm. He had no middle name. He was a carpenter by trade. He had big hands, a bald head, and a contagious smile. He spoke Dutch and liked to drink 7up. His father died when he was a teenager, so he dropped out of school in the 10th grade to take care of his mother and younger sister and brother. He lived through the Great War, the Depression, World War II, the turbulent 60’s, the OPEC crisis, and Reaganomics. He died at the ripe old age of 93.

Herm was a devout Christian. He belonged to the Christian Reformed Church. He would always read the Scriptures out loud after the evening meal. Each night before going to sleep he knelt beside his bed to pray to his God. Herm was married to a very broken and troubled woman. Jenny loved as best she could, but she had serious mental and emotional problems stemming from a traumatic childhood which made living with her extremely difficult. Herm endured over fifty tumultuous years of marriage to her. 

Jenny had a massive stroke five years before she died from which she never recovered. She lost her cognitive capacities and was completely paralyzed on her left side. She became extra demanding, yelled constantly at Herm, and was ever throwing things on the floor. Herm put her in a nursing home, but after seeing her decline rapidly, he brought her back to the house two weeks later and cared for Jenny until her last breath. She could not be left alone. She was completely dependent on Herm for all her needs. His only break came when a visiting nurse relieved him of his duties for a short two-hour period Monday through Friday.

Herm had a hard marriage, but he persevered when most would have bailed. The sacrifices he made for the sake of his faith and the well-being of his family are nothing short of heroic. He told a young woman at an altar early in his life, “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part,” and kept that vow in spite of its incredible cost. Herm died a slow, agonizing death to self a million times over. I consider him a modern-day martyr.

While others knew Herm as a friend, neighbor, or fellow churchman, my two sisters and I knew him as Grandpa Bonzelaar.

It was not until many years after his death that the greatness of who my grandpa was and what he did began to sink in. I had personally witnessed a man’s unwavering fidelity to his wife and commitment to his word under the most insufferable conditions. And never once did he complain or draw attention to himself. There was never any expression of, “My needs are not being met. I am unfilled in this union. I need to step away.” The marriage he had was simply accepted as his lot in life, the cross assigned to him to bear.

But there is more to this story. Much more.

As inspiring as my grandpa’s faithfulness and love was, there was an infinitely greater reality that was communicated through my grandpa’s marriage—a gospel message that was preached—which I didn’t get until much later. My grandpa proclaimed something glorious about God’s amazing love. You see, marriage is the chief flesh-and-blood institution designed to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. God purposed marriage to portray something about Jesus Christ and the way he relates to his people. Jesus never forsakes his bride. She may make his life burdensome. She may bring him embarrassment and pain. She may even leave him, but he never leaves her. Jesus keeps his promise and loves us to the very end (better or bitter). He is forever wed to his own.

Though it did not dawn on me at the time, my grandpa’s devotion to my grandma was an illustrated sermon of God’s unsurpassable, never-ending love. Nothing can diminish or remove his love for us—not our poor performance, lack of dedication or passion, our insincerity, inability, selfishness, meanness, weakness, or all our paltry efforts, . . . He will never walk away! If there is something God cannot do, it is this: He cannot not love us!

How many times have I struggled with not loving me (and wanting to walk away from me)! I’m not the husband, father, son, brother, director, teacher (and all my other roles) I should be. Missing the mark is my MO. How many times have I unconsciously self-sabotaged because of an undercurrent of self-hate and not feeling worthy of good things? How many times have I pushed myself like a driven animal seeking to gain recognition and approval because of my self-created insecurities and sense of unacceptableness? How many times has my confidence about the future worn thin because of a looming sense of dread coming my way due to not meeting the standards of my own righteousness (let alone God’s)?

If you can relate, welcome to meritocracy where value, good fortune, and being lovable is predicated upon one’s behavior.       

Author and professor Gordon T. Smith comments, “Nothing is so fundamental to the Christian journey as knowing and feeling that we are loved. Nothing. This is the basis for the whole of what it means to be a Christian. There is no other foundation on which we can build.” Failure to grasp God’s love (not that we will ever fully understand) leads to every sin and vice, addiction and ruin. The late Henri Nouwen contends, “Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that call us the ‘Beloved.’ Being the Beloved expresses the core truth or our existence.”

I am thankful for the great message my Grandpa preached. It took him a lifetime to deliver. It is one that I must continually remind myself of—that no matter what screw up I have committed, I am dearly loved (and nothing can ever take that away). It is this love that must be the compelling force of your and my life as it was St. Paul’s (see 2 Corinthians 5:14).

So, those of you who are part of the “Screw Up Club,” cheer up! We are eternally loved!

  **************

I stand amazed in the presence
  Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
  A sinner condemned, unclean.

How marvelous! How wonderful!
  And my song shall ever be:
How marvelous! How wonderful!
    Is my Savior’s love for me!

(“My Savior’s Love,” Charles Gabriel, 1905)